Boy meets girl: A handsome prince meets a beautiful woman, and love is born. A successful author advises would-be romance writers that “it should be apparent to your reader from [the couple’s] very first glance that these two souls belong together.”
The love-at-first-sight notion implies that true love is just a feeling—an overpowering emotion that grips you when you meet the right someone—that such love just happens, and that it requires little effort or knowledge of the other person. Real love, however, is much more than a feeling. Granted, feelings are involved, but love is a profound human bond that also includes principles and values and that never ceases to grow, providing it is properly nurtured and maintained.—Colossians 3:14.
Moreover, it takes time to get to know another person. To assume that at first sight you have found the perfect partner smacks of fantasy and usually leads to disappointment. Additionally, in quickly assuming that you have found true love, you may shut your mind to evidence to the contrary. Choosing a suitable mate requires more than a strong impression influenced by a flush of infatuation. So take your time. Indeed, numerous studies have shown that the poor choice of a mate can negatively affect job performance, mental and physical health, and even life span.
Boy loses girl: An evil count kidnaps the beautiful woman and flees the castle. The prince embarks on a dangerous quest to find her. A spokeswoman for Romance Writers of America notes: “The main plot of the romance must concern two people falling in love and struggling to make the relationship work.” In most novels the relationship will work—readers know that. Obstacles, often of an external kind, are overcome.
In real life there are usually problems of an external kind and of an internal kind. They may involve money, work, relatives, and friends. Problems also emerge when one person does not meet the other’s expectations. In fictional characters, flaws are usually minor, but this is not always the case in real life. Further, real love does not carry us effortlessly through trials or differences in views, backgrounds, desires, and personalities. Rather, love involves cooperation, humility, mildness, patience, and long-suffering—qualities that do not always come naturally or easily.—1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
Boy gets girl: The prince rescues the beautiful woman and banishes the count. The couple marry and live happily ever after. An editor of romance novels advises would-be writers: “You need that happily-ever-after ending. . . . The reader should be satisfied that the couple is together and happy.” Romance novels rarely portray their characters after years of marriage. During that time disagreements and a host of other challenges and difficulties may have tested the relationship. As divorce statistics show, in time many marriages fail the test.
Yes, storybook love is relatively easy; real love requires effort. Understanding the differences between the two will safeguard you against naive, unrealistic expectations. It will also prevent you from making hasty commitments that you may later regret. The next article will discuss how you can cultivate true unselfish love and how you can become a more lovable person.
Fantasy Love or the Real Thing?
To some degree most of us are influenced by the media. One researcher wrote: “From the time we’re very young, we’re barraged with fairy-tale depictions and hard-to-break stereotypes of sex, love, and romance in the popular culture—movies and television, books and magazines, radio and recorded music, advertising, and even the news.” She also explained: “Most mass media portrayals of sex, love, and romance shape or reinforce unrealistic expectations that most of us can’t dismiss completely. They make us dissatisfied with our real partners as well as with ourselves.”
Yes, books, movies, and songs rarely present an accurate picture of love. After all, their purpose is primarily to entertain, not to educate. Thus, writers churn out blends of fantasy and romance that will bring in the money. Sadly, though, it is easy to confuse such fiction with reality. Hence, people are often disappointed when their relationships do not match those of fictional characters. So how can we distinguish between fantasy and reality, between media romance and genuine love? Consider the following comparisons.
People who love less are less lovable
Storybook love is relatively easy; real love requires effort
Heroes and Heroines of Romance
In the United States, romance novels annually generate more than a billion dollars in sales. About half the paperback fiction sold in that country is romance. According to statistics published by Romance Writers of America, the three primary traits that readers, some 90 percent of whom are women, look for in heroes are muscles, handsomeness, and intelligence. The three most popular traits in heroines are intelligence, strength of character, and attractiveness.
The media rarely present an accurate picture of love
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